


Don't Be Afraid, Our Fate

by 2_Ava



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Early days for Queen, Everyone is breaking down tbh, I'm not actually sorry, I'm sorry it's not all Maylor, M/M, More tags to be added once this gets some real depth, Roger has a bit of a breakdown, So does Brian, Some polygamy, Soulmate AU, They're still a band, get over it, mistaken soulmate, much love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-01-06 08:48:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18385037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2_Ava/pseuds/2_Ava
Summary: “What on earth are you doing?”Roger had been waiting his whole life to hear those words; albeit a little forceful, but he wasn’t going to complain. He thought he'd heard them... or at least close enough.//The first words you soulmate speaks to you are written on your body. Roger tried to play fate; he thought he was happy, so what happens when his soulmate comes at him like a slap in the face?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hellooo!! Welcome to my newest fic. I know I haven't finished Hear Me Out; but this popped into my head and I had to word vomit it into existence. I know this isn't really as original as the other stuff I've written, but I thought I'd try to make the typical premise a bit more interesting. So, let me know what you think - your feedback is really important to me!  
> Much love, Ava :) x
> 
> Note: for the sake of this premise, the ‘words’ your soulmate speaks, are not visible to anyone but you :)

Roger thought a lot about soulmates - far more than the average 22 year old male. It fascinated him to no end; not to mention, he was nosey and intolerant, which meant he wasn’t in any position to wait patiently for someone to ask him what he was doing. He was more than determined to find his soulmate now, rather than later. He’d had a teacher who didn’t meet their soulmate until they were well into their 50s, and she mentioned how much she wished they’d found each other sooner.

“When they’re a soulmate, 40 years just isn’t enough.”

Those words were almost haunting to Roger. The idea of spending half a lifetime without a soulmate, when everyone else was happy and settled: Roger couldn’t imagine anything worse. From the moment Roger had properly grasped the concept of acquiring a soulmate, he had practically made it his every ambition; every decision he’d made – as significant as going to university, to as minute as ordering a coffee from the nearby café – had hinged on the prospect of meeting Roger’s one and only.

“What on earth are you doing?”

Roger had been waiting his whole life to hear those words; albeit a little forceful, but he wasn’t going to complain. Perhaps his soulmate was just as fiery as he was. That’s not a bad thing - right? They could go about their lives sassing and bitching, and he’d be perfectly content with that. When they’d first met, he’d even entertained the idea of him and Freddie having some sort of connection. But, he reminded himself that “Those pants are divine, darling; and your rump looks fantastic.” was most definitely not the same as “What on earth are you doing?”

So when he was crouched over his drums, fiddling and tapping away, he couldn’t have snapped his head up sooner when the man before him spoke. 

“What are doing?” It was soft, and delicate - nowhere near as forceful as Roger had imagined. Admittedly, it wasn’t exactly what was written, but perhaps it had gone wrong somewhere. That was okay - right? These things aren’t an exact science. Roger’s mother had always told him about a girl she went to school with whose arm very clearly read: “You have really nice hair.”, and she absolutely found her soulmate in a man who had uttered: “You have really long hair.” - Roger held the utmost faith in that story as he and Brian became closer and closer; it didn’t matter that it wasn’t exact - Roger and Brian were meant for each other.

Of course there were days where Roger worried. Like when he and Brian were fighting over something so insignificant that Roger could hardly remember how it started; or when the three of them were squabbling over band stuff, and even though it’s largely unimportant, Roger’s opinions feel so unsupported amidst Freddie and Brian seemingly being on the same wavelength. There were days when Roger let himself get largely worked up over the idea of Freddie and Brian being each other’s soulmates. However, it never took long for Freddie to remind him that Brian had never once uttered the words: “Touch me again, and I’ll thump you.” The idea of whatever shenanigans Freddie was going to get himself into right before meeting his soulmate always made Roger laugh, and it was also an interesting topic of conversation amongst their friends. Still, Roger would have taken that over such an ambiguous phrase as “What on earth are you doing?”. Roger wasn’t exactly the most conventional guy, so the regularity with which he is asked what the heck he is doing, is marginal. Quite frankly, he finds it rude… why is that the first thing someone says to him - especially his soulmate. Why couldn’t his arm have read: “Hi, I’m Brian May; nice to meet you.”? Imagine how easy that would be!

Regardless of his internal concerns, Roger believes himself unmistaken in the idea that he and Brian are each other’s ‘the one’. He and Brian had undoubtedly been perfect for each other. So much so, even Freddie was sure there’d been some simple mistake in accuracy on behalf of whatever deity makes such things happen. Three years later, and his doubts were still miniscule.

“We need a bassist. No question about it.” Freddie sighed, sipping from the glass of water beside him as he sat dramatically on the chair beside Roger’s kit. The trio had been rehearsing for hours, but it had been getting little further from nowhere without a bassist. The most recent one that they’d filtered through 30 auditions for, quit the night prior.

“You could always learn, Fred.” Brian smirked, eyeing the flamboyantly dressed man up and down. Freddie just scoffed, rolling his eyes at the pair of them. 

“Have all of _this_ stuck behind some clunky bass guitar? I don’t believe so, dear.” He smirked, making a point of strutting around his small circle of space. 

“Well then _you_ go hang a hundred flyers up this time. It was not worth the paper cuts last time.” Roger grumbled, eyes not flicking from where he was lightly running his sticks over each drum. 

“We are not doing flyers again. We ended filtering through way too many lunatics and psychopaths.” Brian said seriously, his voice far more measured than Roger’s. “Maybe we just need to widen the circle?” Brian muttered, almost as if it was to himself. 

“Why?” Freddie answered. “Because flyers at three different colleges aren’t a wide enough circle.” He added, eyeing Brian with a look of impatience. 

“Maybe you should go find whatever guy wants to thump you; he might play bass.” Roger muttered, flashing Freddie a quick raised brow and smirk. Freddie rolled his eyes and flicked a hand at Roger, as if to tell him to bugger off. 

“Why don’t you call your friend… Mick? Isn’t he the one who knew the bass player from Chelsea?” Brian asked, seeming to be the only on thinking logically about their predicament. 

“I don’t know; I can try.” Freddie sighed. “But he was largely uninterested the first time.” He added, watching as Roger twirled his drum sticks between his fingers. 

“We have new stuff now.” The blonde muttered, eyes never leaving the wood in his hands. “Maybe he’d go for it?” He questioned, a glint of hope evident in his voice. Freddie remained silent for a moment, weighing up his options before releasing a heavy breath. 

“I’ll try.” 

That’s how they got there; standing in a crowded bar lurking for this particular guy, like they’d been set up some weird polygamous blind date. Soon enough, Freddie seemingly caught view of their potential bassist and disappeared to make contact. Roger turned and gazed up at Brian, both of the men holding drinks. 

“I hope this works.” Roger whispered. “I’m so over playing college gigs.” He mumbled, rolling his eyes with discontent. Brian let out a soft chuckle, lifting his free hand to push hair out of Roger’s face. 

“Calm down, rock star; even if this guy says yes, it’s not like we’ll be playing Wembley tomorrow.” Brian said seriously; he always was the one to keep Roger’s feet on the ground. 

“You never know.” Roger teased, pushing himself onto his tip toes to connect his and Brian’s lips. They remained like that until a loud and obnoxious cough broke them apart. Roger turned quickly and caught eyes with Freddie, who seemed to be giving him a look of ‘take your tongue out of your boyfriend’s throat or you’ll mess this up for us’ – or at least that’s how Roger took it. Roger glanced over the man – or should he say, boy – up and down. He was tall; a little lanky. But, he had a delicate face and long hair that only made him appear more feminine and approachable. 

“Fellas; this is John Deacon.” Freddie said, grinning widely. As he did so, another beer was placed in front of Roger, presumably from some lass wanting to go home with him. Four years ago, Roger would have gone over to her purely to hear her first words to him, in the hopes of her being his soulmate. Now, he was happy to simply consume the free beer. “He is the bass player I was telling you about.” Freddie continued; Roger and Brian both nodded and smiled as Brian stuck his hand out to the man. 

“I’m Brian May; it’s nice to meet you.” His boyfriend spoke, rather diplomatically; almost as if he was meeting someone far more important than some student bass player. Roger, on the other hand, had just taken a swig of his free beer; he felt his face grimace as he realised whatever girl – who was clearly not trying too hard to impress – had ordered him a ‘lite’ beer. He let out a mostly inaudible groan and lifted the cup to his lips; determined not to waste the free alcohol, he clasped his nose shut with his free hand and did his best to skull the beverage.

“What on earth are you doing?” It was a disgusted sentence, and Roger felt himself freeze. He couldn’t even breathe. So much for skulling his drink, because he could feel what little was left of it dribbling down his chin. He probably looked like a right idiot; but he couldn’t do much more than stare. It wasn’t until he felt the liquid dripping onto his pants that he was forcibly ripped from his trance. 

“Ahh, fuck; sorry. It’s umm- nice to meet you.” Roger muttered under his breath, reaching back for a napkin to begin drying himself off. As he turned back around, he saw the look of shock-horror on John’s face, and that’s when it undeniably hit him like a truck.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support on the first chapter - I'm so glad that there's some interest in this idea! Here's the new chapter; it's quite short, but I have already written the next chapter, so I'll have that up tomorrow night. I added it to the last chapter, but in case you did see it: the premise of the 'words' on people's skin is that they can't be seen by other people. It's not super important to the last chapter, but is something to keep in mind going forward. 
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter, and I will see you all tomorrow. Much love, Ava :) x

”What on earth are you doing?” Those words had been replayed in Roger’s head a million times in a million different ways, when Roger thought about the day he finally got to meet his soulmate. But, in the last three years – since he’d thought he’d found the one in Brian – he’d stopped being so pedantic over those six little words. Eventually, hearing someone start a sentence with ‘what’ was no longer a cause for heart palpitations. So, when John did speak them, it wasn’t dissimilar to having all of the wind knocked out of him. 

“Ahh, fuck; sorry. It’s umm- nice to meet you.” Roger mumbled, too caught off guard to think of anything genuinely worth saying; he was mentally kicking himself. When he saw the look of panic on John’s face, it was as if every one of his worse fears had been confirmed. They both remained silent and motionless, staring at each other with wide eyes and startled expressions. It seemed, however, outside of their personal bubble of impending panic, the rest of the world continued turning carelessly.

“I told him about how we have some new stuff; about how we’re not Smile anymore – we’re better.” Freddie grinned widely, eyes flicking between John, and Brian and Roger. “John; we would just love for you to consider joining us.” He added, a gentle hand on John’s forearm. Despite his words and touch, John appeared largely unaware of what was happening around him – much like Roger also felt. “John, dear?” Freddie queried, brows furrowed a little as he gently shook the forearm between his fingers. This seemed to awaken John from his haze, his head snapping over to Freddie, but his eyes allowing themselves to wander back to Roger – who admittedly, had not removed his eyes from John. 

“I, uhh- yeah… Sorry; what did you say?” John stumbled, still gazing at Freddie with panicked eyes. Freddie let out a soft chuckle, turning slightly to Roger and Brian. 

“John here is a little bit shy.” Freddie smirked, receiving a small nod from Brian; Roger still remained unbelievably still. “I said, dear; we’d love to have you join us.” Freddie grinned. 

“Oh, right; yeah.” John muttered.

“Yeah? As in yes, you’re in?” Freddie said excitedly, almost jumping out of his skin where he stood. John was quick to shake his head, despite how slowly the rest of his body was operating. 

“I’ll… I’ll think about it.” John mumbled, before again glancing back at Roger. Roger continued to stare at John, mouth slightly agape and eyes wide. Perhaps he didn’t look at crazy as he felt, because not Brian or Freddie seemed to be particularly alarmed by the stunned fish standing betwixt them. Roger felt like the world was moving in extreme slow motion; like everything around him had stopped organically spinning, and his own – somewhat laboured – breathing was the only thing leaving him certain he was still alive. 

“That’s good enough for me – drinks?” He heard Freddie say, muffled by the blood pumping in his ears. Roger didn’t allow himself to float back to reality until there was a beer being practically forced into his hand. 

“Should we grab a booth?” Brian said softly, placing a hand on Roger’s lower back as he lead him over to where a quieter table was available. If it hadn’t been for Brian, Roger wasn’t entirely sure he would have been capable of getting himself from the bar to the booth. Such a prospect was only made more evident by the way it took John several seconds longer to actually move to follow them. “So, John…” Brian began, smiling over at the man who sat opposite Roger. “What would it take to get you in Queen? We really need a bass player.” He chuckled, as – a clearly overexcited – Freddie nudged at him incessantly. 

“Stop that, Freddie.” Roger muttered, the words only just making it past the lump in his throat. It wasn’t particularly difficult to see that John wasn’t the most confident guy, but Roger could tell he was being made a little uncomfortable by how over-the-top Freddie was; it seemed that such a revelation wasn’t immediately obvious to the others, seeing as how they looked at Roger, a little taken aback. Before anything more could be said about Roger’s command, John spoke up, almost as if the words were being uncontrollably forced out of his mouth. 

“I don’t know – I’ll think about.” He said quickly, like he couldn’t have stopped them if he wanted to. Roger was staring at John – potentially a little too severely; but he wanted to work out if the sudden doomsday revelation he and John seemed to both be having was making John more or less inclined to join Queen. 

“You’re unbelievably talented; I saw you play in your last band. We’d absolutely love to work with you.” Brian gushed; Roger found himself gazing up at Brian with a confused and alarmed look. Why was Brian so attached to this bass player? He was just a bass player – damn! But, he wasn’t, Roger reminded himself; and that was when he started to feel quite sick. Roger wasn’t about to sit there and entertain the genuine possibly of John being the one – he just couldn’t; he and Brian were each other’s everything and only and there was no debating that. The incident that had occurred was nothing more than a coincidence; a quirky twist of fate that they could overcome and laugh about later. Roger was more than certain. 

“You’d be crazy to say you aren’t perfect for us, darling. You and Roger are quite literally tapping the same beat.” Freddie chuckled, gesturing to how Roger and John were both fiddling in the exact same manner. Roger hadn’t even realised he’d been hitting at the table with his fingertips; it wasn’t unlike him – he usually did it as a means of not being able to keep still, but he knew that this was all nerves. He glanced over at John, who was subconsciously tapping out the same beat with his palms against the edge of the table. Roger froze, eyes wide and breath still in his mouth. “It’s fate.” Freddie smirked, nudging John again. Roger didn’t know what to be more bothered by; the way Freddie had used the word fate when he knew full well the implications, or the fact that he nudged John again. Roger was mentally cursing Freddie, in fact. Freddie knew Roger’s words; he was the only person that did. So, why was he so lackadaisical about what had just happened – or was he just too caught up in potentially having a new bass player that it had gone completely unnoticed by the older man? 

Roger felt as Brian’s arm looped around him; he wanted to instinctively nuzzle into him, but there was something stopping him from doing anything other than staying completely still. It wasn’t because of John – Roger was sure of it; then again, Roger had thought he was sure of a lot of things… like he and Brian being soulmates. Before long, Brian took it upon himself to pull Roger into his side; Roger watched as John pursed his lips a little. John had seen them kissing when he’d walked up, so he knew they were together; so perhaps he was just uncomfortable with the public affection – Roger assured himself it was no other reason. 

“We’re having a band discussion – not right now, Bri.” Roger muttered, so quiet that only the pair could hear. Brian shot him a slightly confused look – likely considering how Roger was never one to turn down cuddles – but released him nonetheless. Freddie made a point of almost gasping as he turned and placed both hands on John’s shoulders. 

“So, dear; what would you say to coming to a rehearsal tomorrow night? Nothing official – simply to give you a taste.” Freddie smirked, saying the words a little too sensually for what was supposed to be a ‘band discussion’. 

“Freddie.” Roger said softly, however, louder than anything he’d said since John arrived. “If you keep manhandling like that, he’s going to say no out of spite.” Roger’s words were playful, but not a hint of joviality sprung forth from Roger’s lips – it was purely monotone. Freddie rolled his eyes, but with a generous smile on his face as he removed his hands from John’s arms. 

“Thank you.” John whispered, looking at Roger with the slightest hint of a smile – the first one Roger had seen thus far.

Roger and John didn’t utter another word to one another for the rest of the night. The night continued in what Roger considered an absolute blur; the further band discussions and general ‘get to know you’ chats were far and above, lost on Roger. He was incapable of forcing himself to think normally, even if his life depended on it – and at that point, it felt like it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter I promised yesterday. I don't think I'l upload again until the weekend, but we'll see. I'm glad that some people have taken interest in this fic, and I hope you continue to enjoy - let me know what you think. 
> 
> Also, as I said in Hear Me Out - I now have an Instagram *2_ava_queen* - so come and say hello! I'd loooove to get to know you all better! 
> 
> Much love, Ava :) x

Roger couldn’t stay at the pub much longer after that; he felt like he had been slapped in the face, and his head was reeling. When he and Brian got back to their apartment, Roger bee-lined immediately for the bathroom; feeling mere seconds away from throwing up. He couldn’t stop replaying the last few hours in his mind. That’s not how it was supposed to go; that’s never how it was supposed to have gone. Roger had imagined those words in every which way he could contort his adolescent mind, and it was never like that – and never since he and Brian had met. It was supposed to be playful, or comically silly. It wasn’t a sentence of disgust, which is undoubtedly how John had meant it. Despite that, he had no reason not to like John as person, except for the fact that he wasn’t Brian. 

Roger held himself over the toilet bowl, breathing deeply in through his nose in an attempt to control both the tears and the vomit that were desperate to make themselves known. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly as he felt overwhelmed by the cold sweats overcoming his entire body. Roger loved Brian – there was no question about that; and Roger wholeheartedly believed that Brian loved him too. But now, as he stared at his – admittedly unflattering – reflection in the toilet bowl that many a university student had upheaved their guts in, he wondered if this whole time he’d been lead to believe in a love that most certainly wasn’t there. When you had a soulmate, there was absolutely no denying that they loved you; how could you deny destiny – everything that the ideals of romance were built on? What if every minute of the last three years had been pure coddling on Brian’s behalf; not wanting to offend the clearly fragile person that Roger was – momentarily – proving himself to be. Roger swallowed thickly, forcing the bile back down his throat as he moved to lean his elbows on the sides of the toilet bowl, and his face in his hands. Roger had emptied his stomach many a time in the very toilet before him, but something about the way he felt at that point was so different. The way he felt his throat burn and his stomach churn, even without having thrown up, was so unbecoming; without the blur of an alcohol-fuelled haze, he was so viscerally aware of his body rejecting him. If he wasn’t genuinely afraid of his very real prospect of throwing up, he would have laid back on the cold bathroom tiles just to feel something other than the tingles over his body. There was a gentle knock on the bathroom door, but Roger was far too caught up in his mind to answer. 

“Roger, baby; are you okay? Can I come in?” Brian’s voice was full of concern; it was genuine and it sounded like he really cared. Roger wanted to believe that he really cared, but he felt himself going back on every romantic conversation and uttering of sweet-nothings that they had, had. Roger still couldn’t find it in himself to respond; he couldn’t even move until he felt the cold breeze of the door being swung open. He glanced over at Brian and sent out a shaky breath as he turned away again. “Are you okay, lovely? Are you going to be sick?” Brian said sweetly, moving to crouch beside Roger. He couldn’t help but smile; Roger always found it funny looking at Brian crouched down – all contorted into a pretzel of too much appendage. 

“I think… I think I just drank a little too much.” Roger whispered, exhaling unsteadily. 

“You only had two drinks; s’not like you to go down after anything less than 10.” Brian chuckled softly. Roger relished in that laugh for a moment; the sweetness of Brian’s tenor was enough for Roger to breathe a somewhat calmer breath. “Maybe someone put something in one of your drinks.” Brian muttered, concern now evident on his face. Roger wanted to believe Brian cared; he’d never been given a reason to believe otherwise – except for their complete lack of spiritual compatibility. But, there’s potential for that to be overlooked, right? Some people never meet their soulmate and settle down with someone who they’re just as happy with. Roger decides it’s not good enough; not for someone whose been as enraptured by the idea of finding his soulmate – and certainly not when he actually had him standing within arm’s reach. “Why don’t we go into the lounge room? It’s got to be more comfortable than our gross bathroom.” Brian smirked, placing his hands under Roger’s armpits and helping him to stand. “I’ll get you a bucket and we can have a cuddle.” He added, leading Roger from the bathroom into the living area. Brian sat him down slowly, disappearing from a few moments before returning with a bucket, placing it in Roger’s lap and sitting beside him. Brian made a point of carefully stroking his long fingers through Roger’s hair, pressing the occasional kiss to his forehead; other than that, the room was entirely silent.

“I don’t think we’re soulmates, Brian.” Roger finally uttered, his voice meek and croaky. The room fell quiet for a few moments, Brian slowly glancing down at the boyfriend in his arms. 

“I know.” Brian muttered, his brows knitted together as he looked over Roger with slight concern.

“What do you mean?” Roger questioned, turning so that he was looking up at where Brian had turned his head towards the smaller man. Roger’s eyes were widened and his mouth slightly open, but in a way that suggested he was breathing out incoming tears. 

“What do you mean, what do I mean?” Brian questioned, his look of concern, transforming into one of confusion. “I know we’re not soulmates – simple as that.” He added, speaking softly as if to tread carefully with Roger’s newly strange attitude.

“Then why would you date me?” Roger responded quickly, his voice coming out accusatory and full of disdain. Brian looked at home almost bewildered by what Roger was saying, unable to comprehend the sudden mood-swing he was clearly having. 

“Because, I love you.” Brian said quietly, but with a hint of question in his voice; not due to a lack of genuine love for Roger, but largely because of the abounding confusion that had really hit him in the face. 

“But we’re not soulmates…” Roger whispered, his tone becoming more sombre than it had been moments before. 

“So?” Brian said loudly, a brasher tone than the confusion had so far been travelling. “Who cares about all that spiritual mumbo jumbo?” Brian chuckled. “I love you – and I don’t care what some dude in the sky with a magic marker has to say. Screw the love wizards.” Brian teased, leaning down to plant a gentle kiss on Roger’s neck. Roger wanted to laugh; he knew Brian was trying to make him feel better, and he really did want to laugh. But, he couldn’t allow himself to even crack a smile for Brian – he felt numb. 

“They’re close enough.” Roger muttered, now unable to meet Brian’s gaze. 

“What’s close enough?” Brian questioned, still running his lips gently over Roger’s neck in an attempt to calm down the younger man. Roger let out a gentle sigh; he knew that being soulmates didn’t impart any sort of mind-reading abilities, but he had acknowledged that Roger and Brian were seldom on the same wavelength – however he didn’t like to let himself think too much about it. 

“Us!” Roger said, likely a little too enthusiastically. “My arm says ‘what on earth are you doing?’, and you said ‘what are you doing?’. They’re close enough… right?” Roger rambled, a look of desperation evident in his eyes. 

“I don’t think it works like that, Rog.” Brian whispered, as he trailed a gentle hand along Roger’s arm, stroking him soothingly. 

“Sure it does.” Roger said, with so much false hope that he himself was grimacing. “It’s not an exact science.” Roger muttered, now with much less conviction. 

“It’s not science at all, baby.” Brian whispered, a hint of a smile on his face. “It’s actually the complete opposite… you take biology.” He chuckled, nudging Roger slightly. Roger huffed loudly, trying to stop the tears threatening to spill.

“You’re not helping…” Roger grumbled, adjusting himself to move further away from Brian. “You’d knoe you weren’t helping if you were my soulmate.” Roger snapped, now allowing tears to fall and a sniffle to escape. 

“Oh, Roger… baby; it’s okay.” Brian said softly, shuffling over to begin to wrap nurturing arms around Roger. 

“No.” Roger said lowly, pulling even further away from Brian. “I just want a minute to myself.” Roger whispered, turning his face far enough away from Brian so he couldn’t see as the younger man began to cry. Brian frowned deeply, and silently pushed himself back over to the other side of the couch. The living room fell silent, not a word coming from either end of the couch, par from the occasional sniffle and hiccup from Roger. The pair remained like that for too long – so long that Brian felt himself fidgeting to ease the awkward energy in the air. 

“What’s on your arm?” Roger muttered, finally piercing through the awkward silence in the room. Brian glanced over at him for a moment, before looking down at his arm, brows furrowed as if searching for a cut or bruise. 

“What?” Brian whispered, seemingly confused by the context of the question in the middle of their silence. 

“What does your arm actually say?” Roger repeated, his words soft and alarmingly careful. Brian expelled a nervous breath, the air coming from obviously shaky lips. He appeared to inhale, as if he was going to answer, but decided on shutting his mouth again. “What does it say, Brian?” Roger repeated, his voice now shooting towards Brian a little more venomously. Roger didn’t mean it, exactly; he was upset and angry – and above all else, overwhelmed – and was having great difficultly controlling how turbulent he felt inside. 

“It says… ‘Russell Duncan; and you are?’” Brian whispered, unable to look Roger in the eye. 

“Y-you…” Roger stuttered, eyes widened as they scanned the room frantically. “You know… they have a name…” He whispered, seemingly unable to string a completely legible sentence together. The room fell silent again, neither of them making point of starting up a conversation. That was until Roger found words tumbling out of his mouth before he had the chance to stop them. “You’ve never mentioned it.” He whispered, his voice coming out far bitterer than he intended – not that he was complaining. 

“Why would I mention it?” Brian returned, speaking just as softly. “It’s rude to talk about finding a soulmate when you’re in a relationship. I feel like that’s common courtesy.” He added. “Besides… I don’t believe in all that crap; who cares if I know who it is… s’not like I actually _know_ him.” Brian said quietly. Roger wanted to scream; he wanted to kick and scream at Brian for being so logical and calm. Roger felt as if his world had been virtually squashed, and Brian was being so measured that it barely seemed to be bothering him. “It’s not like you ever mentioned it either, Roger.” Brian said after a little while, glancing over at him. 

“Well… that’s just…” Roger trailed off. “I thought we were… but you never mentioned it, so…” He danced around his words. Roger realised he’d never allowed himself to think too deeply about the genuine logistics of assuming Brian was his soulmate. Perhaps he’d always been too caught up in entertaining the prospect of finding his soulmate that he didn’t think it through as strongly as he maybe should have. 

“Rog – it’s not what’s written on your arm; so, it’s not-“ Brian began, and Roger found himself shaking with a sizable division up deep upset and anger. 

“Just stop it, okay! I get it – I’m an idiot! I dove in too quickly and I should have maybe taken two fucking seconds to think about it; but, I didn’t – alright!” Roger snapped. 

“Baby; just calm down.” Brian whispered, moving to try and wrap his arms around Roger again; Roger was quick to push himself up from the couch and take a few quick steps away. 

“I won’t calm down!” Roger yelled, pacing to the other side of the living room and turning to look at Brian with arms folded tightly over his chest. “Don’t tell me to calm down; this means everything to me. My whole life has been about this; my whole life has been about meeting you, Brian – God! And it’s not even you. It’s him!” Roger groaned, throwing his hands into the air, frustrated tears threatening to spill from his eyes. 

“Who’s him?” Brian spoke softly amidst the chaos of Roger’s panicking. Roger turned quickly to look at Brian, his whole body going motionless. Roger couldn’t believe those words had come out of his mouth; he hadn’t at all intended to tell Brian. He wasn’t honestly sure what he had intended to do; somewhere in his mind he had hoped to just remain silent and let the issue dissolve. He hoped that John would turn down their offer to be in Queen and he could continue blissfully believing that he and Brian were meant for each other. 

“What?” Roger whispered, feeling so insignificant and scared that he was sure Brian could see him shaking like a leaf. 

“Who’s him?” Brian repeated. “Did you meet someone, Roger?” He questioned, standing up and slowly inching closer to Roger. Brian wore a worried and hurt expression that tore through Roger completely. 

“No…” Roger whispered, taking a step backwards for every one Brian took towards him. 

“Roger – don’t lie to me. Just tell me; if you met someone, then you met them – it’s not like it’s a big deal.” Brian said soothingly. If Roger had something in his hand, he would have hurled it at Brian – thank goodness he put down the bucket. How on earth was Brian so adjusted about the whole matter? Roger was telling him that he’d met his soulmate – the absolute love of him life – and Brian was so calm. 

“It’s…” Roger began, trying not to choke on the lump in his throat. “It’s John.” Roger whispered, so quiet that he saw the way Brian leaned in to try and catch his words. 

“John? As in John, our bassist?” Brian questioned, a soft smile on his face. 

“He’s not our bassist yet.” Roger muttered, trying to remind Brian, and hopefully keep alive his plan to let the whole situation dissolve. 

“I think we’ll get him.” Brian chuckled, taking a few more steps closer to Roger, now that he was unable to step any further back than the wall he was pressed against. “It’s him? He seems like a really nice guy – a bit shy, but really lovely. That’s nice, Rog.” Brian grinned, moving to place a careful hand on Roger’s cheek. “Why are you letting it get you so worked up baby? There’s no law saying you have to run off and elope – that’s not how it works.” Brian chuckled. Roger was gripping the wall with such intensity that he was worried he was going to press finger holes into the jip-rock. Brian just didn’t get it; he couldn’t seem to comprehend how important this was to Roger. Obviously, Roger had never divulged to Brian how much soulmates meant to him, out of fear of having to acknowledge the reality of not being meant for each other. But now… how did Roger go about explaining to Brian that he had waited his whole life to be with someone that wasn’t him. He couldn’t do that; he couldn’t look Brian – who he thought was the love of his life – in the eye, and wholeheartedly tell him that he was no longer good enough. “Roger, baby; why don’t we just go to bed early tonight. I know you’re a little shaken up – this is a lot to process; it’s clearly been a big day for you. But, you can finally rub it in your sister’s face that you found your soulmate first.” Brian smirked, nudging Roger gently. “We can start fresh in the morning.” Brian smiled widely, kissing Roger gently as he led him to the bedroom. Roger wished he could have kissed Brian the way Brian kissed him – the way they’d always kissed each other; but there was something in Roger that had died at the pub – something he couldn’t quite explain.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think guys. I think this fic is going to be a bit faster moving than the others I've done, but we'll see 
> 
> Also, come hang out on Instagram - there is currently a pic of my dog on there, so you know it's high brow content *2_ava_queen* :) x

The following afternoon at rehearsals, Roger felt like he was floating. He had felt incapable of grounding himself all day, and if it weren’t for Brian’s assured grip on his hand, he was certain he would have flown away. There was something about the way Brian seemed completely unphased by the revelation that had Roger getting angry; obviously it didn’t take much to get Roger angry, but this was different. It was as if Brian was completely oblivious to how big of a deal it all was to Roger; it was like he had deemed himself higher and mightier than the higher power than determined the words inked on ones skin. It was something about that idea that really bothered Roger. Sure, he was probably concocting a far larger issue in his mind than was actually existent; but, Roger couldn’t help but feel that Brian’s utter lack of care for this idea of a soulmate - which Roger cared vehemently about - was in some way, mockery. So, for the entire day, Roger had been switching between the sombre feeling of being punched in the stomach - of finding out after all that time, that Brian wasn’t the one; and the undeniable anger at Brian for being so unintentionally arrogant.

“What’s wrong, darling?” Freddie questioned, standing over where Roger was seated at his drums

“Just not feeling well, Fred.” Roger muttered, twirling his drumsticks between his fingers, his gaze not flicking from his drums.

“Rog…” Brian began; Roger allowed himself to glance over at his boyfriend. “Tell Freddie.” Brian grinned, so nonchalant about the whole affair that Roger was back to wanting to throw things at him. Roger glanced up at Freddie to see the older man eyeing him suspiciously, a cheeky grin spread across his face.

“I umm… John-” Roger began, only to be cut off by the squeak of the door flying open. The pesky door where they practiced was known to fly open if you weren’t gentle with it; but the three of them had become accustomed to not making grand entrances. It seemed however, that the meek body entering had not been pre-warned of such things, especially considering the stark look of panic that spread across his soft face. Roger immediately stopped talking, eyes flicking to where John was now standing quietly in the doorway.

“Sorry.” John whispered, taking extra caution in shutting the door behind him.

“No; don’t be sorry darling.” Freddie said quickly, travelling over to the door where the younger man was still standing, appearing to gush over him a little. “We’re glad you could make it.” He grinned.

“Want to explain what’s going on, Fred?” Brian questioned, glancing between the two men by the doorway.

“John said yes.” Freddie stated, as if it was idiotically obvious. “He’s agreed to play a couple of shows and see how it goes.” He added.

“You didn’t think to mention it?” Brian continued, but with no real hint of annoyance in his voice.

“I wanted to surprise you two, and make it dramatic.” Freddie smirked, his tone and body language garish in comparison to the way John stood so small. “And you certainly did, dear.” Freddie grinned, turning to John and placing a hand on his forearm. John blushed fiercely, clearly still reeling from his ‘grand entrance’.

It seemed Roger and John were incapable of making eye contact with one another; even if they happened to glance in each other’s directions, they collectively ripped their eyes to something else.

“Brian; do you want to show him something… not that I think he’ll need anywhere near as much coddling as the last lot.” Freddie muttered, leaving Brian and John in one corner of the room as he gallantly made his way back to the drum kit. “What were you saying before, dear?” He asked Roger, turning a seat around to sit backwards, leaning into the younger man.

“Nothing…” Roger said quickly, but with very little conviction. “Nothing; it’s not important.” He repeated, trying to sound a little more sure of himself.

“Are you sure? You seem rather bothered by something.” Freddie mumbled, concern evident in his face as he leant even closer to the blonde, as if perhaps he had a secret he might want to tell.

“Yeah… I’m just a bit shaken. It’s nothing to worry about, Fred.” Roger mumbled, ceasing the conversation by practising a few light runs over his drum kit. As he did this, Freddie continued to watch him; Roger couldn’t work out if it was because he had no interest in the guitar players - which seemed unlikely, seeing as how much Freddie had taken a liking to their new bass player, or if he was trying to bore through Roger in an attempt to make him talk. Even if it wasn’t the latter, it worked. “Fred, do you remember what my arm said?” Roger asked quietly, immediately getting the attention of the man already staring at him. Freddie looked at him a little puzzled, but began speaking regardless.  
“Are you asking me because you’ve forgotten?” He questioned, genuine worry on his face. “Can you not read it? Has it gone walkabouts – that would be a scandal; you could call the local paper about that one.” Freddie rambled getting a bit carried away in what Roger had already deemed irrelevancies.

“No.” Roger said quickly, trying to get the older man to calm down and stop talking. “I’m just asking if you remembered, because you’re the only person I’ve ever told.” He admitted, casting his eyes away from Freddie for a moment.

“It’s umm…” Freddie pondered for a moment, his brows furrowed in thought. “What are you doing? Or something of the like – it’s whatever Brian said.” Freddie muttered, waving a hand as if it didn’t matter in the slightest. Roger felt his throat tighten a little; the very idea that Freddie had also concocted without a shred of a doubt the idea that he and Brian were most certainly soulmates, made Roger want to kick and scream, and punch walls until all he could think about were his black and blue knuckles.

“What on earth are you doing?” Roger stated completely monotone, the words spilling out of him almost uncontrollably.

“Yes; that’s it.” Freddie said simply, his voice measured and light – a stark contrast to the way Roger sounded like he was seconds from crying. “Why do you ask, dear?” The older man added, shuffling his chair closer to Roger with keen interest. Roger just shrugged; he didn’t know how to tell Freddie. When he’d told Brian, his boyfriend hardly batted an eyelash, but Freddie knew that it meant a lot to Roger, and he himself took much greater care in the matter than Brian.

“Do you think it could be wrong?” Roger finally said, unable to look his best friend in the eyes.

“What could be wrong?” Freddie questions, the startled look in his eyes suggesting he wasn’t even remotely following along with Roger’s confusing train of thought.

“The whole system.” Roger stated a little frustrated, as if it should be making all the sense in the world. “The words, and the soulmates, and the happily ever after.” Roger was clearly getting himself worked up at this point, but Freddie was seldom one to cut someone off in the middle of divulging their inner most thoughts and secrets, especially because it kept him privy to gossip. "The whole 'one true love', forever and always thing that all the movies are about." When Roger finally finished, Freddie look at him for a moment, as if trying to catch his brain up on all the words that had sprung from Roger’s mouth.

“Is it wrong? Like morally – well perhaps it is a little morally wrong to expect people to drop their lives when the meet someone they bare-“ Freddie began to rambled, but Roger was never afraid to cut someone off.

  
“No, Fred.” He said quietly, holding up a hand to insure the older man stopped talking. “Like, can it be wrong – like incorrect – can the words not be for the right person, and your soulmate not have your words on them… but it still be right.” Roger muttered, but even as he was speaking, it was evident the hope in his voice was deflating.

“I don’t know, Rog. That seems like an awful lot of coincidences.” Freddie said softly, the older man well aware of the defeat evident in Roger’s voice. “But there’s no law suggesting you’ll be smote if you don’t marry your supposed soulmate. Why are you so shaken up about it dear?” Freddie questioned, genuine concern evident in his voice and face. A silence fell over the pair for a moment, just the hushed voices of the guitarists on the other side of the room, and the occasional note or chord. When Roger finally opened his mouth to speak, he could feel the words already rushing out.

“John said the words.” Roger whispered, the words escaping his throat with much haste and no caution.

“John…” Freddie began, confusion clear in his chiseled face. “John said… what on ear- he did!” He confirmed, as if he’d replayed the night prior in his head to ensure Roger wasn’t lying. “Wow, I didn’t even think about that; but he did. Oh my goodness, Roger; that’s… that’s fantastic – that’s amazing. That’s…” It was at that point that it seemed as if the revelation had finally come to him. “That’s not Brian.” He whispered, his face reading all the emotions that Roger had been dreading. “Maybe it is wrong sometimes.” Freddie added, but with little conviction. The silence fell over them for less than a second this time before Brian spoke up from the other corner of the room.

“I think he’s got the idea – should we try it?” Brian asked, glancing at the other two members, and then to John. “Do you want to try it with Rog first?” Brian asked; John gave a quick nod. “Alright, Rog – chorus of Keep Yourself Alive.” Brian instructed, before the pair began playing. In an instant, it was like the two of them had been playing for years; the way they were able to connect immediately – as if they could feel one another’s every move and work with the others style and feels. After the short chorus, both of the men looked at Brian and Freddie expectantly.

“That was literal perfection, my dears. I don’t normally say this, but I feel as if Brian and I might make it worse.” He teased, eyeing the pair with a wide smirk. “I knew you were a perfect fit, John.” He added. Roger felt himself clam up entirely; he could feel his mouth getting dry and his whole body going tingly. Whether it was true or not, why was Freddie saying such things when he knew how Roger felt about it?

“I think I’m going to be sick.” Roger whispered, unable to stop the words from escaping his mouth as he pushed himself from his seat at the drums and moved messily to the bathroom. The three sets of eyes followed him until he was out of sight behind the bathroom door.

“Is he okay?” John said softly, eyes still glued to where Roger had disappeared. Brian gave a quick nod, but maintained a somewhat worried expression.

“He’s been sick since yesterday afternoon.” Brian explained, a small frown on his face. “He was absolutely shocking last night.” He added, but gave off a hand gesture that suggested it wasn’t something to be worried about.

“Are you going to go check on him?” John questioned, but with nothing accusatory in his tone. Brian glanced over at the younger man with a knitted brow and shook his head slightly.

“Roger’s alright; it’s just a little stomach bug – better to get it out.” Brian mumbled, moving to sit down, as if he was more than willing to just wait until Roger appeared from the bathroom again. John bit his lip as he pondered the situation before him. He wanted to go check that Roger was okay; not because he was pretty sure Roger was his soulmate, but because that was a nice thing to do – right? John let out a loud sigh.

“I think I’m just going to pop to the bathroom – I’m busting.” John mumbled, removing his bass and making his way to the door Roger had exited through. It wasn’t a complete lie; John did need to use the bathroom, but he certainly could have waited – he just wanted to ensure Roger was okay, considering it didn’t seem Brian or Freddie were too concerned. When John reached the bathroom, he walked over to the stalls, stopping when he saw the small man hunched over the toilet bowl. Roger wasn’t throwing up, but it looked like he was certainly preparing to. “Roger.” John said softly, trying to be careful not to startle or anger the older man – as if he were a wild animal or something. “Are you okay?” He added. Roger turned around, his panicked expression only becoming more sorrowful when he saw John standing behind him.

“I’m fine… I’m just a bit unwell at the moment.” He lied; John knew that. For one, Roger was – at this point – almost certainly his soulmate, so such things weren't easy to lie about; and secondly, John wasn’t an idiot, and he could see in the several signs of anxiety, that Roger most definitely wasn’t physically unwell.

“Do you think you’re going to throw up?” John asked, trying to gauge whether he should be ready to hold Roger’s hair back. Roger shook his head a little, still unable to make direct eye contact with John.

“Probably not – I couldn’t throw up last night either.” Roger mumbled, turning around so that he was now sitting on the toilet floor facing John – but still not daring to look at him.

“What happened last night?” John said softly, glancing down at the man on the floor with an unfortunate look.

“Just felt sick then too; there must just be some bug going around at the moment. Maybe you shouldn’t get too close.” Roger mumbled, fiddling with his thumb nail. John let out a small chuckle, which caused Roger to look up a little confused.

“I don’t think sitting on a toilet floor is going to do anything to help whatever bug you have – except maybe to help it multiply.” John smirked, before reaching out his hand to the sad sack of pale skin and blonde hair that lied beneath him. “C’mon; maybe you can convince your friends to knock of rehearsals early so you can go home and get some rest.” John grinned slightly. Roger looked up at John’s hand, and he couldn’t help but smile. In the last 24 hours, John had been the only person to say something that didn’t make Roger want to throw himself at a wall; which Roger also considered a little unfortunate, but he wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to improve his sullen mood. He reached out slowly and grasped John’s hand, standing slowly. When Roger had stood up and the pair reached eye level, there was something about finally making proper eye contact that had Roger gasping a little. Roger stood there, hand still entwined with John’s and their eye locked; both men looked like their souls were being forcibly pulled from their bodies – but Roger had felt more alive than he had all day.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sorry for the hiatus; I just couldn't find time to write! Please enjoy this next chapter, and let me know what you think! 
> 
> Much love, Ava :) x

Roger had convinced Freddie and Brian to give rehearsals a miss that day; unfortunately however, Freddie insisted that John come home with them, to “make up for your first rehearsal being cancelled”, according to him. John had tried to insist it was fine, presumably so he didn’t have to spend the evening with the trio, but Freddie was far more persistent than John was strong-willed. 

As they entered, Roger seemed to become hyper-aware of everything in their apartment. Everything that suggested it was homely and lived in - and loved in. The way that there was still a large blanket on the couch where Roger and Brian had cuddled up over cups of tea that morning; or how they only had a dining table big enough for the two of them. He thought about the two toothbrushes in the bathroom, or the way each side of the double bed was equally as slept in. Roger had spent the last three years more than content coddled up in his and Brian’s apartment, everything the way it was and always had been - just for the two of them… two soulmates. But now, Roger felt like he was suffocating; like he needed to get to where there was a decent air flow before he well and truly passed out. He thought about saying that he felt sick again, and that everyone needed to leave; but he didn’t want to face the prospect of being in the apartment alone with Brian. The idea of trying to look Brian in the eyes and pretend that he was just as content as he’d been 24 hours before was more than Roger knew he could handle. 

“Make yourself comfy, John.” Brian said softly, effectively snapping Roger out of existential pity party. He glanced over at John, to see the younger man visibly uncomfortable also. Roger wasn’t sure if that was because John was noticing all the same things that he was, or if he was just generally an awkward guy. Regardless, it only made Roger all the more aware of how much he wanted to be anywhere but in his own apartment. “Did you want a drink?” Brian asked, eyeing Freddie and John as they sat down - Freddie a lot more carelessly than John. 

“Yes, dear.” Freddie called, leaning back into the couch to make himself comfortable. 

“John?” Brian queried, stopping in the doorway to eye the younger man. John shook his head quickly. 

“No; thank you - I’m fine.” John muttered, his voice smaller and more passive than it had been since he’d been introduced to the group. Brian nodded and swiftly moved deeper into the kitchen. 

“Baby; did you want a beer?” Brian called, not looking out from the kitchen. In that moment, it was as if a film of discomfort fell over the entire lounge room. Roger couldn’t stop himself from visibly grimacing, and he was so aware of the way John’s eyes were wide and unmoving from the floor. At first, Freddie had looked towards Roger as if he was being an absolute spastic for not answering, but even he soon understand the contextual discomfort and made an unfortunate face. Despite that, it didn’t take Freddie long to give Roger a gentle nudge, the younger man just shaking his head. 

“He’s fine, dear - still feeling a bit off.” Freddie called; thankfully, it didn’t appear that Brian found Freddie answering for Roger too peculiar that he came into the lounge room and saw the undeniably awkward scene before him. The silence as unmistakably deafening and Roger could see the way John was fidgeting a little in his seat. “Roger…” Freddie whispered, glancing between the two of them. 

“Don’t.” Roger muttered, eyes unable to move from John. 

“Don’t what?” Came the sweet voice, far the opposite of the atmosphere within the room. If anything, it cut through room like a sword, slicing the awkward tension just enough that all three men gazed up at Brian, moving to sit beside Roger on the arm of the chair. 

“I was just about to start grilling dear John here…” Freddie muttered, surprisingly quick and convincingly, and Roger was letting out an unnoticed sigh of relief. Brian nodded with raised eyebrows, suggesting he understood exactly why Freddie had been stopped from ‘grilling’ John. 

“We really appreciate you considering giving us a shot.” Brian said softly, glancing at John. John had his eyes centred on Roger, glancing the older man up and down as he stared at the ground. It wasn’t until the presence of silence had John peeling his eyes from Roger to glance at Brian, who was already glancing between John and Roger with his lip between his teeth. “So, what’s the plan from here; have we got anything lined up, Fred?” Brian muttered, seemingly having to tear his eyes away from Roger. Freddie was quick to leer forward, leaning into Brian somewhat. 

“Not just yet, dear. But, don’t you worry – I’m working on it.” Freddie grinned, giving Brian’s knee a gentle squeeze. Brian responded with a quick nod, before his attention turned back to the men on his other side. John, having clearly noticed Brian watching them, was now well and truly looking anywhere but at Roger; but Roger’s bright eyes continued to occasionally flick up at the younger man sitting so small in their lounge chair, that he may as well have not been there. It wasn’t until Roger finally gazed up at his boyfriend, that he saw the way Brian’s face had settled on a look of hurt and confusion, and Roger felt his insides twisting up again. 

“I umm…” Roger muttered, slowly pushing himself from the chair, his hand brushing against Brian’s thigh. “I just need to go to my room… to our room.” He muttered, walking swiftly out of the sitting area. The silent tension fell quickly over the room once again. 

“I think I’m going to go…” John mumbled, beginning to push himself up just as Roger had done. 

“Oh, no; darling there is no need – Roger is just a bit of a drama queen.” Freddie chuckled, standing also. “We don’t call it Queen for nothing.” He smirked, reaching out to gently grab John’s forearm. “Come sit, and tell us about yourself; or, if you don’t want to talk about yourself, we can chat about the music.” Freddie grinned, pulling John to the couch. 

So, that’s exactly what they did. The three of them talked music and gigs, and Brian and John got to chatting about the technical stuff while Freddie pretended to care. Without Roger and John making nervous eyes at one another, the atmosphere was drastically calmer. In fact, the three of them actually got to laughing and joking around by the time the conversation reached a lull. 

“I’m just going to pop to the loo.” John said, still chuckling from the story Freddie had been telling about their last gig with their old bassist. John moved quickly through the living room, having been instructed by Brian where to find the bathroom. When he reached the door, he pushed it open, only to be stopped in his tracks by the image of Roger – sitting on the edge of the bath tub with his head in his hands. John stayed still for a moment, as Roger’s head lifted to glance at him with a hint of surprise in his gaze. John quickly turned to shut the door behind him before beginning to speak. 

“Are you okay?” He muttered, immediately moving to stand over Roger, looking down at him worried. Roger glanced up at John, eyes red and watery. He wanted to scream – of course he wasn’t okay! His whole world was upside down and hanging by a thread and the last thing he needed was this guy he’d only just met standing in his bathroom… but at the same time, it was all he wanted. “Roger?” His train of panicked thoughts was interrupted by John’s careful voice in his ear. John moved to sit beside Roger on the edge of the bath. “It’s okay to not be okay…” He added, his fingers tapping nervously on his legs. Roger glanced over at him with a worried look on his face. 

“Are you okay?” Roger mumbled, his words coming from his mouth in the taste of vomit; like he’d wished they’d just stayed inside. The room went silent, but not uncomfortably so; it was clear John was putting ample thought into his words. 

“I guess… I guess, I am.” John muttered. “Although, I guess the circumstances are a little different – I don’t have a boyfriend.” He whispered, watching as Roger’s face changed to one of pure hurt; like he was most certainly going to cry again. “But then again, I umm…” John trailed off, looking around the bathroom as a form of hopeful distraction. “I… I joined to this band, just so that I could see you again.” He admitted, glancing at Roger with a slightly embarrassed smile. “So, maybe I’m not okay.” He whispered, letting the grin spread a little wider across his face. Roger watched John, allowing his own expression to change to a slight smile. 

“You did?” Roger questioned, looking John in his eyes, his heart rate quickening rapidly. 

“Yeah… makes me sound a little crazy, right?” John chuckled, wiping his clammy hands on his jeans. Roger was quick to shake his head, chuckling also. 

“Not at all; it actually makes me feel less crazy.” He mumbled, letting his eyes drop to the floor. “Do you ever think that it’s so immeasurably wrong to play with fate the way we all do… if it weren’t for stupid, stupid words on our skin, I guarantee we wouldn’t have made it past that first night in the bar – no question? You thought I was an absolute idiot.” Roger chuckled, letting himself move a touch closer to John. 

“Thought? You mean think.” John smirked, receiving a falsely outrageous look from Roger. “You’re hiding in a bathroom – your friends are going to think you’re pooping.” John smirked, nudging Roger. 

“No.” Roger stated simply, a smug smirk on his face. “They think I’m in my room – they think you’re in the bathroom; so, they’re going to think _you’re_ pooping.” He chuckled, winking at John, whose cheeks turned a bright shade of pink. 

“Well, then I better get out there. I feel like that’s not the most polite thing to do the first time you’ve been in someone’s house.” John chuckled, standing from the side of the bath tub and starting towards the door. Before John could reach for the door handle, Roger quickly grabbed his arm, pulling him back, John’s torso colliding somewhat with Roger’s. 

“Wait! I don’t want to go back out there.” Roger whispered, seeming panic in his eyes. John looked at him with furrowed brows, confused by Roger’s sudden change of tone. 

“Okay…” He whispered. “So, don’t; they don’t even know you’re in here.” John muttered, his hand moving to rest of Roger’s upper arm in an attempt to soothe him. 

“No; I don’t want you to go. I just… I can’t go out there with Brian. It’s killing me looking at him and not feeling… feeling the same… as he does… and as I used to.” Roger whispered, looking at his feet. He felt John’s hand tighten on his bicep and he let his eyes trail up to his face. 

“It’s okay, Roger. Everything is going work out in the end; whatever… whatever kind of ending that is.” John whispered, letting his hand travel carefully up and down Roger’s arm. John shot him a welcome smile, waiting until Roger gave him one back to finally relent. 

“My brain is screaming at me not to kiss you.” Roger whispered, the atmosphere thick like smog. “But every other part of me wants to.” He admitted. “And I know it’s wrong, because my boyfriend is sitting in the other room having a beer with my best friend who knows what we know… but there’s a part of me that doesn’t care, because I’ve waited my whole life for this… and I thought I found it, and you made me realise it was wrong… and now I know that I’ve found it, and I don’t want to let it go. But, I’m quite certain I love Brian… but then again, maybe I don’t know what love actually is. I know I don’t love you… but how could fate be wrong… I have to love you… and I will. So, call me crazy… or call me a horrible person… but I’m gonna kiss you.” Roger rambled, stopping for a moment and looking at John, who was staring at him like he was practically speaking a different language. 

“Do it.” John finally whispered, staring at Roger with his mouth slightly agape. It didn’t take long for Roger to adopt the same expression, stepping closer to John and closing the gap between them entirely. Roger pressed their lips together, his hand finding John’s arm as they shared a quick kiss. John pulled back first, his face bright red. John let out a reserved chuckle as he continued to stare at Roger. 

“Oh my god.” Roger whispered, biting his lip roughly, mostly in an attempt to hide the growing smile on his face.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Hope you like the newest chapter I'm on university holidays now, so I'm going to try and bang out a few updates for this and Hear Me Out Universe - so let me know what you wanna see. 
> 
> Let me know what you think of this one, or if there's anything you wanna see in this fic. 
> 
> Much love, Ava   
> Instagram in @2_ava_queen - prime dog and Diqi content :) x

Roger stared at John for far too long - but it wasn’t uncomfortable. If anything, it was a calm opposition to how Roger had felt all day. Roger felt so unmeasurably safe and relaxed standing in their small tiled bathroom. Roger could have stayed like that forever, John’s hand on his arm and their eyes interlocked. Roger felt like he was floating again - but in the best way; and judging by the blissful look on John’s face, he felt the same. Roger wasn’t sure how long they’d gazed into each other’s - probably far too long according to any third party; but Roger’s found it perfect. 

Roger was ripped from his (blissful) fantasy as a considerable knock sounded through the wooden door, making both of them jump away from each other. 

“John; are you alright?” Brian asked, his voice measured and thoughtful. Roger couldn’t help but smile at the courteousness of his boyfriend, whilst largely trying to ignore the guilt surging through him. “Is Roger in there?” He added, his voice maintaining its levelness. Roger’s eyes widened and he quickly shook his head at John who was standing with just as much panic as Roger felt. 

“No- no.” John muttered, his voice cracking a little; Roger watched the younger man, a little worried he might cry. Roger could admit that John clearly had more of a conscious that he did - at least John looked like he felt guilty about what had happened. 

“Oh.” Brian said loudly, too loud to be a careless mutter; it was so obviously placed with such tonality, that Roger already knew that Brian was not as perplexed as the word suggested. “He’s not in his room.” He muttered, a little quieter; perhaps trying to sound as if he was speaking to himself in thought - he was undoubtedly speaking with enough purpose that he wanted John to hear. John looked frozen where he stood; he now took on much of the “going to throw up” look that Roger had been wearing for the last 24 hours. Roger felt his heart rip in two; he couldn’t bear to watch John have to uncomfortably lie his way through this, when he was clearly not the sort to be naturally dishonest. Without much genuine thought, Roger moved to pull the door open, trying to eye Brian with more confidence than panic. 

“Sorry - I am in here; John thought you’d get mad at him for accidentally walking in on me.” Roger muttered; allowing his convincing lie to sink in and he sauntered past Brian. His lie had come across strong, but he’d forgotten that he’d left Brian and John looking awkwardly at one another across the doorway. 

“Sorry…” John whispered, near unable to look Brian in the eyes. Roger almost wanted to scream; if only John had been as devoid of a conscious as he himself was seeming to be. Brian gave him a slow nod, but even Roger could see the way his lips were pursed. John bit his lip hard, eyes floating over the bathroom. “I- umm… I still need to…” He whispered, not even getting out a sentence before Brian shut the door coldly.

Roger was currently standing in a space between their living room, and disappearing quickly into his bedroom again; but before he could weigh up his options, Brian turned and stared directly at him with a look so indistinguishable that Roger knew he _could not_ just go back to their room. Roger shuffled slowly through to the lounge room, his eyes cast on the ground. 

“Roger.” Brian’s voice was stern, but there was this hint of undeniable hurt that had Roger worried his lip was quivering too obviously. He stopped and gazed up at Brian who was staring at him intensely; they maintained eye contact for far longer than Roger was comfortable with, until Brian’s eyes flicked to the closed bathroom door. Brian didn’t have to say anything to let Roger know that he was hurt; and it was only made more evident by the way Brian’s eyes flicked back to Roger, moving up and down the smaller man’s body, before Brian turned and walked into the kitchen, the hopeless look on his face too much for Roger to bear. Roger moved slowly to the lounge room, shuffling past where Freddie’s legs were splayed out to sit beside Brian, trying with everything he had to dissolve the look Brian still had on his face. Freddie was speaking to Brian as if nothing out of ordinary had occurred; and Roger couldn’t work out if that was because Freddie truly was oblivious, or if he was a good enough friend to keep his nose out of it. Roger could barely hear what Brian and Freddie were talking about due to the sound of the blood surging in his ears; he did however, know that Brian was talking to Freddie like nothing was wrong, and he prayed that whatever their conversation entailed, that it calmed him down a little. 

After a few minutes of Roger staring into space beside his boyfriend, John reappeared from the bathroom. It was very evident on his face that he’d been crying, but had tried considerably hard to conceal it. 

“I think I’m going to go… I have a test next week that I should study for. Thank you so much for inviting me over.” John mumbled, his voice small but clearly genuine. Both Freddie and Brian nodded, Brian making a point of standing up and Roger worried for a second about the potential reason. 

“I’ll walk you down.” Brian muttered; and despite it not sounding angry or upset, both John and Roger looked largely alarmed. Roger looked at John for a moment, knowing that the younger man was far and away too polite to decline, out of fear that Brian might beat his ass. Roger knew Brian wasn’t a violent guy, but it didn’t mean his stomach wasn’t in knots as brian lead John out the front door and into the corridor. He turned to Freddie, who eyes with with a bit of disappointment. 

“Please just remember that it’s not just you and John in this… it’s Brian too - and Queen. Don’t get too caught up in the whole soulmates thing that you forget that it’s not all about falling in love.” Freddie whispered, patting Roger’s knee as he stood up. “Beer?” He questioned happily, before Roger had time to respond to his sentiment.

~~~~~~~~

John could feel his whole body shaking as Brian lead him down the apartment block stairs, the older man’s hand on the middle of his back. He thought as they walked down the stairwell that perhaps Brian was going to kill him there; leave him in the secluded and damp stairwell and never have to worry about someone kissing his boyfriend again. In fact, John had gotten himself so sure of a grisly outcome, that he was almost calm about the idea of being beaten to a pulp - he had almost convinced himself he deserved it. So, as the pair reached the bottom of the stairs, and the cold outside air hit John’s face, he was a little perplexed. He couldn’t imagine Brian wanting to punch him in the open, where people could see; John couldn’t imagine Brian wanting to punch anyone - but when someone kisses your boyfriend, you do what you have to - he figured. As his feet firmly hit the sidewalk, he noticed that Brian had stopped guiding him, and was standing looking him up and down. John turned to the older man, clasping his hands nervously in front of him. 

“I’m not angry at you.” Brian whispered, after silence had permeated the air for a little too long. “I get it… well, I actually don’t.” Brian muttered, moving his head to stare at the road beside them, where the occasional car was driving past. “I don’t believe in soulmates… I actually think they’re pretty stupid. But… obviously you and Roger do - and I get _that_ ; it’s nice to have something to believe in.” Brian whispered, seemingly unable to look John in the eyes as he started to get visibly emotional. John was a little unsure where he was going with it, but he was just glad he was still alive and had all his teeth; so, he wasn’t going to complain if Brian wanted to have a cry about it - he already had. “I just want you to know how much I love him… he’s my absolute everything; and I know that it’s not exactly fair to ask you not to take him away from me… but I’m still going to try.” Brian whispered, now sniffling back tears. Brian stopped talking for a moment, seemingly trying to compose himself; John wasn’t sure if he was supposed to offer some kind of support - maybe hug him? Although, John was still not entirely convinced that Brian wasn’t going to at least slap him, so he deemed a hug a bit too inappropriate. Brian gazed over at him with damp eyes, toying a quivering lip between his teeth. 

“Brian- I…” John whispered, trying to formulate something genuine as he spoke. 

“It’s okay.” Brian mumbled, taking a step closer to John. Every part of John wanted to take a step further; to avoid being punched in the face, and also because of his own significantly sized personal bubble. But, he figured moving away from the grovelling man being cheated on was in poor taste; so, he reluctantly stayed put. “It’s not your fault… it’s not anyone’s fault. I just… I don’t know. I don’t want to ask you not to, because that’s not fair… but-” Brian seemed to cut himself off with some other thought, turning quickly as walking a few steps away as he rubbed his face over with his hands. John furrowed his brows in concern, worried Brian was having some sort of mental breakdown - he wouldn’t blame him, to be fair. Turned away from John, Brian placed his face in his hands, and that’s when the tears started. John wouldn’t have even deemed them tears - they were harsh, choked on sobs; and John was nowhere near heartless enough to not move quickly to the older man. 

“I’m going to give you a hug.” John whispered quickly, placing a tentative hand on Brian’s back. “Please don’t hit me.” He added, moving to stand before Brian and wrap his arms around the taller man. Brian easily allowed John to hug him, bending down into the younger man’s shoulder. “It’s okay… I-I’ll leave you all alone.” John whispered, trying to soothe Brian as he rubbed his back. “I won’t go anywhere near Roger; I’m sorry.” John mumbled, not personally happy with the prospect, but willing to do anything seeing how defeated Brian was. Brian quickly pulled away. 

“No.” Brian mumbled, sniffling and wiping a quick hand over his face. “Don’t… don’t do that. We like having you… and-and.” Brian stuttered, the words getting caught up in his throat. “And Roger won’t…” He trailed off, back to being unable to look John in the eye. “Roger won’t let that happen; he cares a lot about this…” Brian whispered, stepping away from John as he pushed the messy hair out of his face. John looked over at the older man, realising that perhaps it all meant _even_ more to Roger than it did to John, and whilst Brian was right to be upset regardless, why he was especially distraught. John watched Brian as he paced a little away, turning back and noticing the younger man staring. 

“I’m sorry.” John whispered, not entirely sure if he was saying sorry for staring, or just for everything. Brian shook his head a little. 

“I wasn’t bothered by this at first, because I figured that Roger loved me enough to just let it be; I guess I didn’t quite realise how much it meant to him. I know that no matter what happens, Roger isn’t going to give up on this. It doesn’t matter what I do; it doesn’t matter that we’ve been in this together for three years.” Brian muttered, starting to get a little disgruntled and angry. “You walk in… and it might as well be over.” He whispered, eyeing the pavement. “I can’t even be angry at you; but, trust me when I say I want to.” Brian said softly, looking at John like he was truly trying to hate him. “You’re just lucky it’s not the other way around… because Roger would have definitely hit you by now.” Brian said softly, chuckling in such a forced and angry way that had John concerned that his quickly switching emotional state meant Brian really was having some sort of psychotic break. They stood opposite each other on the footpath for a while before Brian let out a loud sigh. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled, shaking his head a little. “You probably think I’m nuts.” He chuckled genuinely. “Did you want a ride home?” He added before John could respond to his question about his mental wellbeing. John shook his head a little. 

“No, thank you.” He whispered, mostly because he felt he’d already caused Brian enough inconvenience for the evening. Brian nodded a little and let his eyes fall to the ground again. 

“I hope I haven’t scared you off.” Brian chuckled, looking at John who, for the first time since they’d left the apartment, allowed himself to smile a little. 

“Not yet.” John grinned. “I’ll… I’ll see you for next rehearsals. Thursday, yeah?” He questioned, already beginning to take a few small steps away. Brian nodded and gave John a short wave as he meandered back to the apartment, which John quickly returned.

~~~~~~~~

When Brian returned to the apartment, Freddie and Roger were lounging across one another, sipping on their beers as they quietly chatted to one another about irrelevant gossip from Freddie’s university class. Brian moved silently past them and through to his and Roger’s bedroom, the two smaller men ceasing their conversation to watch as Brian meandered past. Roger glanced at Freddie, who eyed him devilishly, before gesturing an angry head, suggesting Roger better go speak to him. Roger sighed softly and put his beer down as he stood up, moving quickly behind Brian. 

“Bri…” He whispered, as Brian made a point of shutting the door behind him. Before Roger could utter another word, he was being pushed again the closed door, Brian’s lips hungrily - and angrily - on his. It only lasted a few seconds before Brian pulled away, a look of guilt evident on his face. “What was that?” Roger whispered, startled by Brian’s sudden forcefulness. Even when things were getting heated in the bedroom, Brian usually let Roger take the lead, doing what he wanted in the heat of the moment. Brian looked at him in silence, looking clearly guilty for throwing himself at Roger - not that Roger minded in the slightest.

“Do you love me?” Brian muttered, his voice unstable and threatening tears. 

“Brian…” Roger whispered, moving a hand up to cup Brian’s cheek. 

“I said do you love me - yes or no?” Brian uttered, his voice now a little sharper. Roger looked at Brian, the older man staring at him with so intensity that Roger let his hand slip away. 

“Bri; you’re scaring me.” Roger said softly, his own voice now unstable. 

“Answer me!” Brian snapped, his eyes wet with tears. 

“Brian, calm down.” Roger responded, trying to sound as equally intense as Brian. 

“I have a right to be upset; now answer me!” Brian practically yelled, taking a step away from Roger. Roger looked at the older man, a small frown settling on his face as the guilt rushed through him 

“Yes.” Roger said quickly. “Yes - I love you; of course I do, Brian.” Roger whispered. He did mean it; he knew he did. But, he feared Brian wouldn’t believe him. 

“Then why do you need him?” Brian mumbled, moving to sit on the bed. Roger stood by the door a little stunned; he wasn’t entirely sure of what had just happened, seeing as it was so insanely out of character for Brian. “Roger?” Brian questioned, his voice much softer now. “Roger; come here.” Brian whispered, opening his arms. Roger bit his lip tentatively for a moment before moving quickly to Brian, practically falling into his open arms. Brian held him tightly, peppering kisses down his neck and shoulder. “I love you more than anything… and I always will.” Brian whispered, running gentle fingers up and down Roger’s back. Roger looked at him and smiled softly. 

“Me too, Bri. I love you… always.” He whispered, hoping to every deity that had forsaken him, that such was true.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the hiatus on this one, my darlings. I had to get all the Hear Me Out brain-farts out first. Let me know what you think of this chapter - something about it kind of irks me, so I'd like to know if you actually enjoyed it. 
> 
> Much love, Ava :) x

When Roger woke up the next morning, his whole body felt heavy. It took him a few moments to recall the evening prior, which only resulted in him feeling worse. Brian has already left for class, leaving Roger to lie in bed and pity himself for the better part of the morning and early afternoon. 

It wasn’t until the phone began to ring that he finally rolled out of bed. 

“Hello.” Roger muttered, his voice a little croaky. 

“Roger? It’s Brian. What are you doing?” He questioned, his voice a full of concern. 

“I just got out of bed; why?” Roger asked, confused by his morning daze and Brian’s odd opening. 

“Are you… are you alone?” Brian queried, his voice melancholy and small. Roger couldn’t help but frown. 

“Yeah… why wouldn’t I be?” Roger asked, a little upset at Brian’s lack of trust - although the couldn’t really talk. 

“I thought you might invite John over.” Brian states simply, as if it wasn’t odd in the slightest. Roger went silent, unsure how to answer in the least incriminating way. He began clicking his tongue as he thought about just how awful of a person he was. “Is he there? I don’t mind… just please don’t lie to me.” Brian said softly; could hear, even through the cracking of the phone booth, that Brian was hurting. 

“He’s not here - I didn’t invite him over. I wouldn’t.” Roger muttered, just as the line went dead. As Roger hung up the phone, he hopes that Brian was about to call back - however, after four minutes of staring sadly as the phone, he figured against it. Roger turned around and stared at their couch; their god forsaken ducking couch - he didn’t even want to look at that stupid two-seater from the thrift store, let alone stand in his own apartment. He had to get out - he was practically suffocating. He grabbed his wallet off the table and left swiftly for the pub. 

Roger drank - and drank - and drank until he was barely able to carry himself home. He stumbled through the front door, blissfully unaware of the pair of heads that turned towards him as he messily placed his wallet back kind the table. There was a small cough from the lounge room, and Roger uncoordinatedly turned his head around to see Brian and John sitting awkwardly at the couch. 

“Oh, shit.” Roger mumbled, his eyes falling on the way John sat awkwardly, staring at Roger’s intoxicated state. 

“Hi, baby.” Brian said quietly, standing up to meet his boyfriend by the door. “I was getting a bit worried. I wasn’t sure where you’d had one.” He explained carefully, guiding Roger to the couch. “I invited John over, but we’ve kind of just been sitting here for an hour.” Brian chuckled, giving Roger a small kiss before sitting down. 

“What’s going on?” Roger asked, his speech ever so slightly slurred. 

“I thought it might be a good idea to invite John over to have a chat, seeing as there’s obviously stuff going on.” Brian said, a little too diplomatically for the oddity of the event happening. John himself looked taken aback, glancing between Brian and Roger. “So…” Brian began. “I think that maybe we should discuss-“ John was quick to cut him off. 

“I don’t think this is a discussion for right now… Roger is drunk. Even if he can keep it together long enough to have the conversation, he’s not going to remember it in the morning.” John said quietly, careful not to upset the tumultuous environment that they existed in. Brian looked over at John, taken aback by his abruptness. “I just think it’s best to put him to bed and we can come back to this when it’s a worthwhile conversation.” John said softly, clearly trying to remain calm and collected in front of Brian. Such a thing must have been easier after the nights prior, in which he’d watched the older man well and truly break down. 

“Fine.” Brian said softly. “I’ll put Roger to bed and we can sort it out some other time.” He agreed, although this voice seemed a little strained after basically being told how to care for his own boyfriend by someone they barely knew - but who indeed knew Roger far too well. John gave a small nod as Brian stood up and virtually hoisted Roger to his feet. “C’mon; let’s get you to bed. Please don’t vomit, this time.” Brian practically cooed, ushering Roger to their bedroom as the blonde protested in slurs and grumbles. Once Brian and Roger had disappeared, John stood up, gathering his things to exit before Brian returned. Just as he had accumulated his bag and walked, and was about to turn to the front door, Brian’s steps back into the living room became audible. “I’m really sorry about that.” Brian spoke; his voice was weak and broken. John would have been a monster not to feel for the guy. 

“It’s okay; there’s a lot going on right now - you’re allowed to be a mess.” John said softly, trying to keep his tone light. Brian shot the younger man a haphazard smile as he moved to the couch and sat down. John bit his lip before reluctantly placing his bag back on the ground and sitting beside Brian. “Brian - I can leave. I know you said Roger was persistent, but if I were to just disappeared from your lives, how could he really find me?” John offered, turning to face Brian, who looked damn bear wrecked. 

“No…” Brian uttered, unable to even look John in the eye. “I couldn’t do that - not to Roger… or you.” He whispered, finally looking up to expose to John his teary eyes. 

“Then what are you doing, Brian? You can’t keep torturing yourself like this.” John said, a little too forcefully given the situation. Brian just have him a slightly exhausted sigh as he ran his hands through his curls. 

“I don’t know, John - I’m losing it.” Brian mumbled before letting out a small chuckle. John couldn’t help but smile back at the older man, even allowing a small laugh to escape his lips. “I honestly invited you over to try and work out some weird deal with Roger that meant we could still be together… which, now that I’m saying it out loud, sounds absolutely nuts.” He laughed, looking at where John’s hands were nervously toying with one another. “What are you so worries about?” Brian asked, a look of genuine concern on his face. 

“I don’t know.” John admitted. “I guess… I just like being around you guys. I would hate for that to stop because of this mess, or to destroy yours and Roger’s relationship in the process.” He added, causing Brian to smile a little. 

“I’m glad you like us… few do.” He teased. “I don’t think you’ve ruined mine and Roger’s relationship - just been a bit of an eye opener.” Brian chuckled, moving his hands to place them on top of John’s, where they fiddled. “I think you need to relax.” Brian whispered, flashing John a courteous smile. 

“I think you need to relax.” John rebutted, a soft grin on his face. 

“I think we both need to relax.” Brian chuckled, leaning into John as he grasped his hands a little tighter. 

“Deal.” John smithed, allowing his eyes to close a little as he grinned. As he opened them, he saw the way Brian looked at him, smiling as he leant in a little closer to John. Before John had a moment to relay to his brain what was happening before his eyes, Brian had pressed their lips together. John’s eyes widened quickly; he couldn’t make sense of Brian’s actions - but he kissed back in reflex. Was Brian having an emotional breakdown? Or was this some ploy to have Roger see them kissing, and subsequently hate John. John’s mind was indeed racing, but he was certainly still kissing Brian. In fact, somewhere in the midst of his clouded mind, his hands had flipped to gently grasp Brian’s wrist. After a few more seconds - which John almost felt weren’t long enough - Brian pulled away and the men shared a wide-eyed look. 

“I’m so sorry.” Brian spoke quickly, his hands still firmly on John’s. “I don’t really know why I did that. I guess I felt a bit… left out.” Brian admitted, glancing away from John with rouged cheeks. John couldn’t help but allow a small giggle to escape. Brian looked up at him a little shocked. 

“Do you still feel left out?” John chuckled, smiling sweetly at the older man until his face warped into a somewhat guilty smile. 

“Do you want a drink?” Brian asked, chuckling. “I feel like I really need one.” John chuckled in response and nodded. Brian stood quickly, finally letting go of John’s hands as he moved to the kitchen. “I dog know why Roger went to the pub - we have plenty of alcohol here.” Brian grinned, allowing a few moments of silence - save for the light clinking of glass - before he returned to the living room. When he sat down, John appeared to be in considerable thought, taking the glass from Brian rather slowly. “You okay?” Brian asked, eyeing him suspiciously as he sat back down. 

“Yeah… I was just thinking… maybe it could work.” John said almost inaudible, until Brian gave him a rather confused look, and he decided to reiterate for the older man. “Maybe there is some room for your weird deal to keep everyone happy.” John mumbled. Brian continue to look at him oddly, clearly unsure where the younger man was going. “I like Roger; you like Roger - Roger likes he both of us… and I figure we’re obviously able to tolerate one another.” 

“Gee, thanks.” Brian butted in, a smirk on his face. 

“My point is… I think it’s doable - some sort of…. arrangement.” John queries, not sounding entirely sure of himself. 

“Like a threesome?” Brian chuckled, almost looking at John like he was crazy. 

“Not a threesome!” John shot back. “Not a sexual thing; just… a thug that means we can both have Roger.” John said, less confident now that the odd words were actually coming out of his mouth. He watched as Brian chuckle a little. 

“Yeah? So, what are the boundaries of that… because you’re not sleeping on my side of the bed.” Brian laughed, but it was clear his words were no joke. 

“Maybe we can talk about rules and boundaries with Roger once he’s come to it in the morning.” John offered. “That’s if he actually agrees to it.” He added; Brian gave him a quick nod in response. 

“I’m sorry for calling you all the way here - and for being an absolute loonatic.” Brian chuckled, haphazardly. “Did you want to the stay over? Saves you having to come back in the morning.” Brian offered, genuinely. 

“Not in your bed though, right?” John jokes, smirking at Brian, who just playfully rolled his eyes. 

“I’ll get you some clothes - you can sleep on the couch.” He responded, before standing and moving quickly elsewhere

~~~~~~~

John had been awake since the sun had arose that morning. He could feel his stomach doing backflips as he thought about having that conversation with Brian and Roger. He didn’t feel like he really had all that much to be concerned about, considering how he and Roger were clearly well on their way to being infatuated with one another. That being said, he’d never had such a conversation with someone - and their boyfriend - before. When John heard the sound of the bedroom door opening, he was quick to sit up; he noticed as Roger came shuffling into the living room, begrudgingly awake. 

“Morning.” John whispered, worried that he would upset the half-asleep figure if he spoke too loudly. Roger looked over a gave a slightly concerned look, before continuing his shuffle towards John. 

“Brian said you stayed over.” He stated, as if that was enough conversation for so early in the morning – oddly enough, John felt as if it was indeed enough said between the two of them. “Did you want some breakfast?” Roger questioned, moving to lean himself over the couch so he and John were almost nose to nose. John shook his head quickly, pulling back slightly. 

“I’m fine.” John assured, adjusting himself further so that he was no longer sitting cumbersomely under the blanket. Roger was quick to shrug off John’s discomfort, pushing himself from the couch towards the kitchen. 

“You look really cute in Brian’s pyjamas.” Roger called from the kitchen, the smirk on his lips evident in his voice. John couldn’t help but blush, glancing down at the slightly-too-big pyjamas slung across his body. He was about to respond when the bedroom door nearby swung open again and Brian exited; he was dressed completely, unlike Roger and John. He flashed John a quick smile before walking through to the kitchen. John could no longer see them, but the quiet ‘morning, baby’ and subsequent sounds of lips – rather passionately – connecting, suggested largely that Roger and Brian were in a much better place than they had been the last couple of days. John found it a little odd – especially considering Roger’s drunken cascade and Brian’s psychotic break just the day before; for a moment, John was contemplating whether their deal was worth whatever instability came with it. 

“You remember what I mentioned to you last night – about John?” Brian questioned; the words themselves were muffled through the door, meaning Roger’s reply was almost inaudible. John shifted a little uncomfortably as he heard footsteps re-entering the room, especially considering he was tangled amongst blankets and in someone else’s pyjamas. “I spoke to Roger about… well, about the deal.” Brian stated rather nonchalantly as he entered the room holding two cups of tea. He placed one in front of John as he sat down; John nodded a little and muttered a quiet ‘thank you’. The room fell a little silent as the pair waited for Roger, who they could both hear going about making his breakfast. 

“Is he… is he okay with it?” John whispered, staring down at the cup of tea. 

“He was last night… but he wasn’t exactly… self-possessed.” Brian said, a small smile on his face. 

“Blind drunk?” John responded, chuckling softly. Brian looked at him a little taken aback at being so unabashed; however, the potential awkwardness was swiftly cut off by Roger’s entrance. 

“Yes.” He smirked, sitting at the spare seat on the couch beside John, before handing the younger man a plate with toast on it. 

“I said I was fine.” John whispered, but with no disdain behind the sentence. Roger glanced over at him, a bite of his own toast already in his mouth. 

“I figured that you were just being polite.” Roger said softly, glancing from John to the plate in his hands. John bit his lip, unable to stop himself from smiling at the fact that Roger had been spot on. It wasn’t until he remembered the other presence in the room, that he turned his attention to Brian. Brian, who seemed well-ready to cut the googly-eyes and get to talking, was stone-faced at the two of them. 

“So, what did you think of what Brian said, Roger?” John asked quietly, adjusting himself so he could eat his breakfast. Roger nodded, taking a moment to swallow his toast before speaking. 

“I think it’s great.” Roger grinned; eyes cast heavily on John, a small grin on his face. 

“Brian mentioned some uhh… rules?” John muttered, shifting from Roger’s pleasant and content grin to where Brian sat coldly. Roger just nodded, his smile faded once he realised how serious Brian was. Brian bit his lip as he stared at the two younger men before him.

“I umm…” Brian began, shifting a little. “I just think we need to implement some boundaries… just to make sure everyone is happy and whatnot.” He said, a little more cautiously than expected. John nodded, waiting for him to continue; Roger seemed more concerned with his breakfast. “Like… we’re not dating.” Brian muttered, looking over at John, who just nodded over a piece of toast. 

“We’re both just dating Roger.” John confirmed, eyeing Roger from the corner of his eye, to make sure they weren’t losing him somewhere along the line. Roger appeared to give off a small nod. 

“Nothing… sexual.” Brian muttered, looking towards John, whose eyes widened a little. “Between you two, that is.” He added; John shifted even more, suddenly wishing he was anywhere but having such a conversation. He glanced over at Roger, whose brow appeared to be a little furrowed. 

“I don’t think we need to get into the nitty gritty for me to get the details; you and I are dating – John is just… on the side. It’s not that difficult to understand that it requires a whole meeting about it.” Roger said shortly, looking over at Brian who appeared a little taken aback. The older man quickly began nodding, looking between Roger and John. 

“Yeah; right – okay then.” He stumbled, reaching for his tea and taking a small sip. “I guess that’s sorted.” He whispered, as if he was displeased with how quickly the end of the conversation came to fruition. John sat quietly on the couch, unsure if he even had a place to speak in – what he deemed to be – the weirdest conversation he’d ever had. 

“I should probably go…” John whispered, sitting down his empty plate. “I have to get to class… but I’ll see you guys later at rehearsals.” John said quietly as the two other men nodded. “I’m just going to use the bathroom – I need to get out of these clothes.” John muttered, silently removing himself from the living area to get changed. He could hear some muffled conversation coming from in the lounge room, and just hoped it wasn’t too much to his detriment. 

John dressed quickly and returned to the living room, to see Roger now standing up. The pair made eye contact and shared a smile. 

“Are you alright to catch to bus home? Did you want me to walk you downstairs?” Roger offered; John smiled a little too widely and nodded. Roger grinned back, holding his arm out to gently place on John’s back once they began to walk downstairs. In that moment, John wasn’t too bothered by Brian’s presence and was just happy to be receiving Roger’s attention. They walked down the stairs in relative silence, save for the occasional comment or joke from one of the men; however, once they reached the footpath outside, Roger shot John such a sweet grin, that the younger man was near swooning. “Brian will come around – don’t worry about it.” Roger grinned, before leaning forward to press his lips to John’s; John smiled into the kiss, placing a tentative hand on Roger’s arm. The pair stayed like that for a short moment before collectively pulling away. John could tell that he was smiling like a giddy child, but he really didn’t mind. Roger leant forward once more to give John a gentle hug. “I know you and Brian kissed, by the way.” He whispered, specifically in John’s ear. The younger man tensed up for a moment, before hearing Roger chuckle a little. “It’s all good; I can’t exactly be mad about it if I’m going to have the best of both worlds.” He grinned, pulling away; John gave him a slightly nervous nod. 

“I’ll see you later tonight.” John grinned, giving Roger a quick wave as he made his way to his bus stop. The evening prior, and morning John had thus far ben having rather overwhelming for someone like John, and it left him a little unsure of whether he was actually making the right choice. But, he also knew that if it meant he got to keep kissing Roger – he really didn’t mind too much.


End file.
